The Velveteen Marriage

As I have mentioned in several times on the blog, facebook, and in real life, Ann Voskamp's books have been incredible gifts to me. I recently read The Broken Way and am now in the middle of a six week Bible Study with the book as an aide. In the book Ann speaks of a strained relationship with her mother (in her childhood) and the different ways we all fail as mothers. She refers to the story The Velveteen Rabbit and makes the analogy that maybe when we become so worn through as mothers that's when we become the Velveteen Mother. That's when we are REAL and loved. I can certainly relate to that as a mother as I fail a thousand different ways everyday. But God put it on my heart the other night to explore the idea of the Velveteen Marriage. Sometimes when I look at old wedding photos I think of how nice and clean and new and neat it all seemed. I appeared fresh and put together on the outside but I was a total mess on the inside. You can't see that, though, because I didn't want anyone to see that, I don't think I knew it. I didn't want to know it. 27 years later I'm a mess on the outside but much more put together on the inside (not even close to where I need to be, mind you, but much further ahead than I was).

Satan whispers the lies in my head, though, the lies that our marriage is tarnished for a variety of reasons. Reasons that can't be fixed or undone. The unkind words that I allowed to pass through my lips, the unkind, thoughtless and selfish acts that I gave into when I was angry or resentful. I think often times in our society we look at the outside of things and if they look old or worn or used we toss them and start over even if they still work, perhaps they work better than they once did. Or...maybe they don't necessarily work better but they bring comfort in what can only be described as a toxic society. God spoke it to me the other night. He told me clear as day that no one wishes to be remembered for their worst sin. He convicted my heart just then and I felt shame for all the times I've brought up the past in order to shame Jesse or shut him up. But God said to me not to feel shame. Shame makes us hide from God, like Adam and Eve in the garden. Instead I went to Jesse and asked forgiveness and vowed to try harder going forward.

Back to the story, the Velveteen Rabbit. The fur on the rabbit was worn through. He looked shabby but it was in that worn look that he was made REAL and he represented what it is to love and be loved. I know everyone's circumstances are not the same. I am very blessed to have a husband that can look through my worn out exterior and know that what is in my heart is the real, the loved, the loveable. The last few years has truly worn me completely through. Whatever exterior that wasn't worn is now thread bare. But for the first time I feel like our marriage is REAL.

I can now look back at wedding photos and instead of feeling anxious and pained about what the people in the picture are going to go through, I rejoice because I know that Jesus is going to wreck those two kids in the picture, wear them through, and make them real.

(Fr. Acervo blessing our new wedding rings in 2014 as we started again, this time with Jesus at the center)